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05 May 2009.

i can't balance.

Going crazy with the cousins.

Renukhaaaaaaaaaa :)

Just some random pictures from the past week.
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My anger is getting a bit out of control, which is scaring me. I'm reacting and responding in ways which I've only pictured in my head. I never knew that my thoughts would come alive, in a way. I always thought about a lot of things when I was angry in the past. Like if I'm angry at someone, I'd imagine taking a knife and stabing the person. Well, no worries. I didn't murder anyone in anger. Yet.

I scratched someone in anger, real hard, a few days ago.
Not pleasant of course, but I was angry.
Not excuse I know, but at that time I couldn't be bothered.
It just happened.
I think the feeling was more of frustration than anger.
A failure of people to understand my thoughts, my needs, my ideas.
A failure to understand me and my point of view.
A rush of assumptions or accusations.
Trying to explain, defend myself and convey the message as patiently across,
but the message was somewhere stuck in transition.
Even though I was given a chance to explain what I was trying to say/do,
I didn't feel like it or didn't want to.
Couldn't be bothered to at that time,
was filled with frustration.

I felt like I was stuck in a glass box.
Screaming, trying to get someone's attention.
People can see me, but they can't hear me.
They're so ignorant.
They didn't even try to hear me.
I just felt stuck.
Frustrated.

Some nights I'd cry.
And I'd slap myself, cause I wouldn't even know why I cried.
I wasn't miserable.
I was just so frustrated with myself.

And I snapped.
A couple of days ago.
Unfortunately, someone was a victim of my repressed emotions.
I felt guilty, I still do feel guilty.

It has nothing to do with anyone,
but me.

I think I'm seriously going crazy.
But that phase is slowly dying off.
Let it die. Forever.
I feel like i'm running around in circles.
Again and again.
Again and again and again.
I'm
going
mad.
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On a lighter note,
happy 7th month! :)

We lurf itch ahhhder.

1:29 AM