After getting my head sorted out, things started to make sense.

It was scary cause I never understood why it was so bad. I thought I had turn numb against all of this shit thrown at me. It was scarier that I wasn't able to control my emotions. I always thought I could. I just hope that doesn't happen again.

But whatever. After a day, I know why I was feeling what I was feeling. It's just a mix of so many emotions. Too many things circulating around my head at once. Too many voices in my head. Too much to control. It didn't stop and I couldn't make all of it go away. It was like as if there was a trumpet in there continuously blowing and making so much noise that I just couldn't take it anymore.

Why am I here. It's like I purposely put myself here just to suffer; to feel pain.

A friend told me this last night,
"God won't give you more than what you can take."
Yes, I've heard it before but I just needed to hear that, that night, that time. I don't even understand what is happening. I hope I knew the reasons behind everything I do or say, but I don't. Maybe not now, I need some time. I think I need to see a doctor. Before I go crazy.

My assessment's tomorrow. I hope all goes well. I just hope the children listen to me. I'm doing the materials now. I'm not scared yet. But by the time I'm outside the centre tomorrow, I'll be hyperventilating or maybe I'll just faint. All the best to people who are getting assessed tomorrow.
ALL THE BEST AZIZAH AND SHAMINI! <3<3<3<3<3

Okay, I better get my ass back to work.