It's been 5 years.
I guess I'm getting used to you not being here.
But of course I see incidents with mums and daughters,
and I tear.
Secretly.
It still hurts to think about it.
It hurts to think of WHAT COULD'VE BEEN.
But I'm stronger because of it.
I just miss you too much.

Don't take it for granted kiddos.

26th March 2003.
Her trips in and out of the hospital were normal.
IT was nothing out of the particular
when she left the house on a Thursday.
I didn't even take a second to look at her
as my dad took her out of the house that day.
How was I to know that was going to be her
last day in that house. Alive?
My regret, I didn't even look at my mum.
I didn't even take a glance at her.
I just said 'Bye.'
It was normal.
She always went to the hospital.
She always stayed there for a few days.
And. She always came back.
But, not this time.

29th March 2003.
Before everything happened,
I had a conversation with my mum.
She called to tell me she was coming home.
Usually, I would just say 'Okay.'
But I don't know why that day I said, 'Promise?'
And she said 'I promise.'
My mom never broke her promises, she never did.
But, not this time.

30th March 2003.
My mum, she was always full of life.
Her presence gave me comfort.
Her presence made me feel at peace.
She made me smile, she made me happy.
She was always strong.
She always fought any battle that came her way.
She always emerged the champion.
But, not this time.

Me and my younger bro were probably the last to know.
As we entered the hospital,
I had the goosebumps.
I just had a feeling that something wasn't right.
Up to that point, when I was in the hospital,
I still didn't know.
Then, I entered the ICU ward.
And I remember seeing just too many people there.
But one person caught my eye,
and that was my cousin. [Dionel, it's you babeh]
I looked at him, and he didn't seem like how he used to be.
His eyes showed me sadness.
As I walked in, I heared all the sniffs and the cries.
My heart raced, thinking of the worst possible thing that could've happened.
It isn't nice when the worst possible thing that could've happened,
actually happened.
There I saw my mum, lying on the bed.
Motionless.
I felt her hand, it was cold.
And in my mind, I remembered saying..
"Wake up Amma, open your eyes."
But my dad told me the news, that my mum had left us.
That was it.
That was just it.
She never let me down.
But,
Not.
This.
Time.

5 years.
But the memories of that day are still fresh.
Thinking of that day, it still hurts just as that day itself.
And they say,
The pain you go through is the testimony of how much you loved a person.
Mummy, I must've loved you soo much.

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Camp tmr.
Will be back on Wednesday.
Byebye.