& it's not easy,

believe me when i say i was ACTUALLY, after a long time,
starting to accept life, everything around me and.. myself.
i'm pretty sensitive, cause of incidents that took place in the past. and so, it only takes one small teeny weeny incident to cause a 180 degrees spin in my life.

like just now, i was okay.
school was great.
days with my pisangs was love.
teaching fiza the guitar was so much fun.
but all that had to happen was for me to drop my freakin phone to cause me to get upset.

but i know, even though the screen of my phone is like, cracked & GONE.
and 3/4 of the screen can't be seen, that wasn't what got me upset.
maybe a bit.
it's just.. bad things keep happening to me.
and yes, i dont really try to blame anyone else.
and so i put the blame on me.
which is even worse right? make me feel useless. HA.

aiyah.
what it comes down to is,
everyone in this freakin world is trying to find a place where they belong.
trying to fit in.
trying to find MEANING.
cause whatever happens, it happens for a reason.
i believe so too.
but you'll be lost when you CANT FIND THAT REASON.

you know how ironic.
i was thinking, on the way to school today,
that i would thank the clique for all teh drama in sec sch.
because without all of it,
i wouldnt be strong.
but i realised, over the years.
ive lost it.
my armour's breaking.
i'm letting my guard down.
& i don't really want to.
trusting is hard. very hard.



and when that hope is gone,
it's as good as being dead.