WHY?


It was 1030pm, I stood at the bus stop. Waiting for my bus to arrive. The wind swept pass my whole body, i shivered. I held on tighter to the jacket i was hugging and brought it nearer to me to feel the warmth that was lacking. That blank mind of mine was suddenly filled with so many thoughts, all like a sudden rush to my brain. So many things hit me, i was oblivious of my surrounding.

A raindrop dropped on my hand, like a tap, i suddenly came back to reality. Just at that point, the long awaited bus came. As the bus stopped just before me and the door swung open, the steps i took to board the bus were cautious and slow. It seemed like i needed a lot of effort to get on board the bus. That feeling of everyone knowing you're on the bus, those million pairs of eyes watching your every move as you get on board the bus creeps me out. I walked to the standing area and faced the outside. Thoughts started filling up my mind.

I observed the surrounding, and i noticed a couple at the bus stop. They were so loving, I turned around; disgust. Now facing the people in the bus, i scanned the bus. Tired, my eyes landed on this couple directly infront of me. Love seems to.. be everywhere? The girl received a gold chain from her husband, she was gleaming like a.. ? whatever. Love. Their eyes met and they smiled.. with love. Thank God my stop came. I couldn't stand that disgusting sight. Took steps down the bus and walked home.

I started thinking about how it would be like if i had someone i could call my own. What would he look like? What would he say? What would he do for me? Would he go to that extra mile just to make me smile? Would he.. (HORRRRRNN!) WHAT THE..?! An angry motorcyclist stared me in the face, then i came to a realisation, i was crossing a road. I almost got knocked down by this uncle on a bike, AGAIN. sigh. I looked at him and stared blankly and looked back on my path and continued walking as if nothing happened. As if its nothing out of the norm.

I forgot where i left off, i just walked towards the lift. Mind blank all the way. Took the lift up to my floor, walked along the corridor and reached my house. I inserted the key in the keyhole and there, the only one that makes me so happy stood there. My dog, Skippy, his tail wagging as if it never wagged for years. He jumped. I carried him and walked to my room. I was greeted by a puppy. Pathetic.

The living room was dead. Irony.. Placed my stuff in my room and went to my dad's room to make sure he knows i'm home; daily routine. I opened the door, he was on the phone and he just gave a nod. I took a step back and closed the door. And there.. (let out a sigh) i realised, that was it. This is MY life.

i didn't have enough time with you.
i didn't manage to say what i wanted to say.
you left without words unsaid.
i was still young, when you left.
come back won't you?
isn't there so many things to tell me?
isnt' there stories you want to share.
what would it be like if you were still here.
i guess i'll never know.
& it's not easy.
it's never gonna be.

my head hurts.
assignment completed, not compiled.

it gets tiring to smile when you don't mean it.