better than the riches of this world
better than the sound of my friends voices
better than the biggest dreams of my heart
that's just the start
better than getting what i say i need
better than living the life that i want to
better than the love anyone could give
your love is.

there's this time in your life,
or times in your life where you just..
BREAK. LOSE IT.
that's what happened today.
church was going smooth.
i was having fun.
carolling practice.
ben asking cute lil ivan to sing LIGHT OF THE WORLD to me.
okay, it was great.

then, i came home.
my dad stared.
he thought we ate our dinner and came home.
cause he already bought dinner.
and i was like.. 'we didn't eat lah.'
okay, so that kinda pissed me off.
he's always jumping into conclusions.
saying whatever he wants.
i always shut up.
so then, i went to his room.
and asked him when can we go christmas shopping.
i mean, for my bros, they can pick out some long sleeve shirt.
and it'll be okay.. its grand enough.
but i'm a girl.
i need something new.
and all i asked him was for ONE clothing.
and he started saying no money lah whatever.
wtm.. M is something lah. ha.
anyways, YEAH. c'mon man.
i can't .. or we can't keep depending on my bro for money.
you're the dad, if you forgot.
keep buying for other people, what about us.
your children.
you forgot you had a family is it..

shit man, im seriously at a lost.
i know God is there.
he always is.
God, seriously.. can't you help this family out.
can't you hear us crying out to you every night.
at least me?
we need you.. help us.
i know you will.
sigh.

you hold me now, in your arms
and never let me go.